September 6, 2019 | News | No Comments
LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest in a string of humiliating blows to the British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson’s dog has abruptly resigned as his pet.
The dog, whom Johnson named Lord Slobberly, made the announcement in an official statement on Thursday morning.
“After wrestling with my conscience for some time, I have concluded that any further association with Mr. Johnson would be damaging to my reputation,” the dog said.
The sudden defection of Johnson’s dog sent shockwaves through his cabinet, with many ministers fearing that Lord Slobberly could be just the first of his pets to jump ship.
Specifically, parliamentary sources report that Johnson’s cat, Lady Paws-Whiskerly, is rumored to be in conversations with the Liberal Democrats.
As for Lord Slobberly, the dog said that his first official act after resigning would be to “bite Jacob Rees-Mogg in the ass.”
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