The John Report: Talking Smack for 08/27/10 (Taker's Back)

Home / The John Report: Talking Smack for 08/27/10 (Taker's Back)

Welcome to the Smackdown recap. Before I get started, I just wanted to say how saddened I was on Friday to learn of the death of former WWE performer Luna Vachon, who passed away ate age 48. As I wrote on my Twitter all day Friday, Luna was very good as a heel valet as well as a damn good wrestler too although in the WWF in the 90s there wasn’t much women’s wrestling to speak of. She was legit scary, though. Her look was unique, she could take bumps and she knew how to throw a punch very well. The three women of the WWF that I grew up with are Elizabeth, Sherri and Luna. Now they’re all gone. I’m sure that somewhere Sherri and Luna are scaring the hell out of somebody while Liz is there looking from afar. It’s a sad business sometimes. That’s for sure. RIP Luna Vachon.

Taped from Fresno, CA let’s talk some Smackdown…

Kane d. Rey Mysterio (*1/2)
They worked hard for about 10 minutes here. It was a no DQ match with Rey selling the arm based off losing the match to Alberto Del Rio last week. In case you’re wondering that means Rey has to sell an arm injury from a week ago while Cena never has to sell anything even when he got beat up 8 on 1 when The Nexus first attacked him. He looked fine the week after. Basically it means Rey’s a weak little man while Cena’s a super man. But you already knew that. The no DQ meant they could use a chair for the finish, so Rey got a shot in on Kane’s back, but Kane was able to fight back and counter the springboard plancha into a chokeslam onto the chair for the win.

Post match, Alberto Del Rio came out and beat the crap out of Rey some more with some serious shots on his left arm. I’m a fan of Del Rio already. Thought his debut last week came off great. Obviously this is leading to more matches down the road for these two.

CM Punk d. JTG (SQUASH)
Hey, it’s JTG. So why’d they break up a perfectly good team in Cryme Tyme? No reason at all. Right. Anyway, Punk won with the Go To Sleep followed by the Anaconda Vice. Post match, he berated the members of the Straight Edge Society basically telling them to be better. He wanted Gallows to put Show face down in his drool and this was the last time he’d tell them this. Be better or be gone. Second last time we’d see Serena. More on that a bit later.

There was a backstage segment with Teddy Long and Hornswoggle. They talked about Laycool since Horny was spying on them last week. And I feel stupider for writing those two sentences. This was brutal.

The Raw Rebound aired to remind us that Raw’s important while Smackdown, which is almost never talked about on Raw, is the B show. But they won Bragging Rights last year! Whatever that means.

It’s time for GROOMING TIPS~! with Cody Rhodes. The tip this week is to shave your body, especially your legs. I think legs are excessive. But he’s a wrestler, so it makes sense. Normal dudes shouldn’t shave their legs. Am I really writing about this? Let’s just move on.

Kofi Kingston d. Dolph Ziggler via countout (***)
The last time they wrestled it was a DQ finish and Dolph attacked Kofi after the match, ending it with a swift boot to the jaw while Kofi was face down. They got 15 minutes here. It was like a lot of their matches have been of late. How many have they had of late? I’m not complaining. Just saying they’ve had quite a few to this point. They told a good story with Dolph going for the sleeper and a number of nearfall finishes throughout while Kofi kept showing babyface fire with some nice comebacks. They went to the floor, did a double KO spot, Kofi went back and Vickie kept Dolph out on the floor to cause the countout. Kofi wins, but Dolph keeps the belt. I’d assume this leads to a cage match at Night of Champions. That would make sense to me. We’ll see, though. At least they actually put the IC title on the line unlike the US title.

I don’t know what is so “record breaking” about this 900th Raw on Monday. It’s the “longest running episodic program in the history of television,” but it had that record a long time ago. And all they’ve really promoted is Laycool being on the show. Others from Smackdown too although we don’t know who.

Jack Swagger d. MVP via DQ in something (NR)
It was called the “Jack Swagger Invitational” with the rules being the first guy to five takedowns wins. This is really the best thing they could come up with for Swagger? For shame. Swags goes up 3-0 on MVP, who then slaps him in the face and that’s a DQ. Post match, Swagger put the ankle lock onto him while they were in the aisle. Since he’s not John Cena, he’ll sell that injury next week. This sucked. Turn MVP heel. He’s done nothing for two years now.

Backstage, Laycool talked about plans for Melina on Monday. Even Kaval said it was flawless. McCool had her wedding ring on during the segment. I’m sure McUndertaker thought that was nice of her to include him in their Laycool segments.

We got a video package highlighting the Cody/Drew vs. Chrisitan/Matt midcard-fest feud that doesn’t help any of them because they all stay stuck in the midcard. I mean didn’t McIntyre feud with Hardy for like five months, yet neither guy is in a better place than where they were before. Oh, and none of them are on this show except Cody with his tips to tell us to shave our legs.

Alberto Del Rio d. Carlos Sanchez (SQUASH)
Sanchez is “from Fresno, California” and for some reason got an entrance. Del Rio beat him in about two minutes with the cross armbreaker. I like how they are putting over that finish. I’m a fan of Del Rio already and I think feuding with Rey is a great way to get him started because Rey makes everybody look good.

Big Show d. Luke Gallows (SQUASH)
Big Show won in about two minutes. Punk was backstage and only shown watching on a monitor. Show won clean when he KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT~! of Gallows with the big right hand. With Serena being fired (it was after this show, which was taped last Wednesday) and with Punk’s earlier speech it seems to me like the SES might be over and Punk will be a solo act going forward. Not sure, though.

Regarding Serena being fired, I’ll say this. It seems as though WWE doesn’t care if a woman can work or not. Serena knows how to wrestle. She’s also young at only 24 years old, so her future is bright. So why fire her? Because they don’t care to have women with a different look anymore. They have put word out that all they want now are models aged 18-24 that don’t have to have any wrestling experience whatsoever. It’s like they’re doing another diva search without officially announcing it on TV. Meanwhile Tiffany, who was suspended with a misdemeanor charge, is still employed due to her blondeness I guess. I don’t know Serena or anything like that. It’s just that I know she’s made her rounds on the indies and she loves the business. She’s worked hard to get better. And this is the reward for that? It’s stupid on WWE’s part. It’s a slap in the face to the divas division although they’ve been doing that all year.

The Undertaker and Kane had a promo face-off as the main event. The Undertaker made his big return. This is his first Smackdown appearance since he’s been married. I was hoping he’d come out to Michelle McCool’s music. That would have been epic. It feels like he makes a big return 3 times a year. It kind of wears off after a while. You know why this sucked? Because they are feuding over who is the “devil’s favorite demon.” Yes. We’re supposed to give a shit about who is the devil’s favorite demon? I don’t give a shit! Can’t they just say the little brother is jealous of the big brother and leave it at that? No, they have to involve the devil. Isn’t the devil a heel? I mean I’ve been raised to learn that the devil is a heel. I guess he’s a babyface to the Undertaker. I don’t know. I’m sure that some people liked this. I’m not one of those people. The show ended with Kane saying he swears on their mother’s grave that The Undertaker will never rest in peace. Oh no he didn’t! He used his catchphrase! You go girl! I mean evil man. This was a bad way to end the show.

Three Stars of the Show
1. The Devil – Who will win his heart? Pay $50 on PPV to find out!
2. Alberto Del Rio – I officially like this guy
3. CM Punk – Best performer on the show. Push him!

4 out of 10

Bad Smackdown. The show felt flat to me. The matches weren’t as good as the norm (aside from Kofi vs. Dolph it was full of squash matches) and I really wish we got more from the midcard guys instead of just a video package.

I’m not really faulting the work of Kane or Undertaker. It’s the story. They are making it too hokey even for WWE and it’s going to turn more people off than on. PPVs already down and now you’re trying to sell people on who the devil’s favorite is? Yawn. Plus, I watch South Park. We all know it’s Saddam.

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John Canton – john@thejohnreport.net
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